Journey of a Dream

1. I got the other part of the unknown. It is methyl propyl ketone. The spectrums were easily interpreted. I was an hour late for lab that day and Prof Kam was yelling for me all the way before I arrived. When I sampai I told him I had diorrhea (which was partly true), he seemed accepting as he was (considered) in a good mood. So lucky me.. but now everyone in the lab knows I sold my car.
2. The tutor was really helpful.
3. The classes for today are cancelled. Yahoo...
4. Ally asks to borrow my huge make up kit for Make up and hair do competition. At last my collection comes to good use.

About two months from now this year is going to draw to a close. This year has been shit for me. How weak I am that a series of bad events can pin my faith. You know how victims of accidents are pinned in a crashed vehicle until their lives are eventually taken away from them? It is a sad sad post that I thought of only confiding in my diary but I guess no one should be deprived of the truth. I wish it isn't true either. Whatever I'm blogging today is not cos I've had a bad day, that's why I'm writing such things, but it's a collective of thoughts that has been bogging me. And also, I've tried to find the right words to blog bout this.. so it is sort of like being moderated so that I won't give a scare to anyone who's reading this. But if you still find it offensive, I can't help it la.

Is it the loss of the HP? Is it the accident? These were indeed upsetting, but it could be setlled by money. So what is it? It is the realisation that my life is miserable, the sense of hopelessness and the loss of a fighting spirit. I've also quit believing - the things which I so strongly held on to. It doesn't really matter now. I've tried to seek help from 2 ppl whom I trusted from above me. But their response made me feel worse - that I am no more than 2 cents worth. And lastly, why on earth am I still thinking of a guy who doesn't care a sixpence for me?

I've resorted to friends instead. The accident had been the best screening test between those who care and those who don't. Some friends made me feel like a queen. They ceaselessly hear my countless whinings and my tears are naked before them. Thank you so much especially to Siew Lee and Alan. I don't know what I'd do if not for them. Also, there were some who were slow in their response, but late is better than never. And one, why does he comes in and out my life as he like it?

Well, I should better get back to study. I'm not exactly motivated right now. Graduating next year is the only think I'm looking forward to. So I better be focused. Hopefully things will get better.

I picked this up from Cleo mad Aug issue (hopefully I won't get sued for plagiarism) and I found it to be quite true

Sabotage situation #5
"I always get clingy and needy when I'm in a relationship"

When you get involved in a relationship, do you feel the need to be together all the time? Do you become thoroughly dependant on him? Do you become intensely focused on him? You are dependant on others for your own identity. You feel that you're nobody until somebody loves you.

Sabotage situation #6
'I always fall in love with guys who never love me back"

Do you fall for men you can't have? Do you become obsessed with them? Do you think once you find true love your life will be complete? You aren't in love with a person; you're in love with the image of one.

Me: So I am just in love with the image of one? Maybe it is better to be in love with my job/studies. Saves a lot of hassle..

UM's major productions
Event.....Malam Kungfu, Pesta Tanglung, Malam Kebudayaan Tiong Hua
Theme.....Something bout the moon
Role model.......Laksamana Cheng Ho

Assunta's major productions
Event..... English Literary Night, Leo/Interact IU Nite, band performance
Theme......Oddysey, Footprints
Person to look up to.... Shakespeare

See why I had culture shock in my first year?

Prelude

Many times, when life seemed utterlerly hopeless, it turned 180 degrees around. There were countless times that God showed up in the midst of the verge of failure. As I look back, what I can truly say is that God has been faithful through it all.

In studies

When I was a kid, I was seen by my parents as the most unintelligent among their 3 children that Mum sent me to a Malay school instead of a Chinese one. She justified that I was lazy and wouldn't be able to cope with the stress of being in a Chinese school; the heavy load of homework, harsh discipline, etc for I was a spoilt kid too. That would have answered people's question on why my brothers know Mandarin while I do not. In Primary 2, Mum decided that enough was enough. In spite of the simple syllabbus, I couldn't spell "ayam" and my grades were appalling. She decided to send me for tuition with Ms Chan. Ms Chan was a disciplinarian at its core. Finally 4 years under her strict authority, I emerged as the school's top student.

When God works, He likes to repeat His feats. Few months prior to SPM, I scored 36% for my Add MAths paper and it was only by the teacher's mercy to give me 4 bonus marks to help me pass. I was greatly distressed and started my ultimate study plan. Every other day, I would sit at McDonalds to do a set of papers. After 2 months, I confidently sat for finals and I scored 90%! My mum promised RM100 for each A that I got for SPM. It upsetted her that she had to give much!

That was not all. With the step of education getting higher each time, I understood that there were greater challanges ahead of me but perhaps due to interim successes, I got disillusioned that I stopped working hard (for a while). In early 2003, I failed my Chemistry paper and that served as a wake up call for me that STPM was approaching.I had 3 great teachers: Mr Kadam, Pn Cheah and Han Jian. With every exam, I only improved by 10%. That may be little to begin with but at the end, I got an A for Chemistry in STPM. I cried for the sweat and blood that I put it, and it was certainly worth the efforts. If there were any subjects that I particularly worked on, it had to be Chemistry.

I am not proud of my past successes, I am only concerned about the future. In recent years, I haven't got a real breakthrough in my studies. I am writing this blog to remind myself and readers that God is a faithful God. If He's done it before, He will do it again.