Journey of a Dream

About two months from now this year is going to draw to a close. This year has been shit for me. How weak I am that a series of bad events can pin my faith. You know how victims of accidents are pinned in a crashed vehicle until their lives are eventually taken away from them? It is a sad sad post that I thought of only confiding in my diary but I guess no one should be deprived of the truth. I wish it isn't true either. Whatever I'm blogging today is not cos I've had a bad day, that's why I'm writing such things, but it's a collective of thoughts that has been bogging me. And also, I've tried to find the right words to blog bout this.. so it is sort of like being moderated so that I won't give a scare to anyone who's reading this. But if you still find it offensive, I can't help it la.

Is it the loss of the HP? Is it the accident? These were indeed upsetting, but it could be setlled by money. So what is it? It is the realisation that my life is miserable, the sense of hopelessness and the loss of a fighting spirit. I've also quit believing - the things which I so strongly held on to. It doesn't really matter now. I've tried to seek help from 2 ppl whom I trusted from above me. But their response made me feel worse - that I am no more than 2 cents worth. And lastly, why on earth am I still thinking of a guy who doesn't care a sixpence for me?

I've resorted to friends instead. The accident had been the best screening test between those who care and those who don't. Some friends made me feel like a queen. They ceaselessly hear my countless whinings and my tears are naked before them. Thank you so much especially to Siew Lee and Alan. I don't know what I'd do if not for them. Also, there were some who were slow in their response, but late is better than never. And one, why does he comes in and out my life as he like it?

Well, I should better get back to study. I'm not exactly motivated right now. Graduating next year is the only think I'm looking forward to. So I better be focused. Hopefully things will get better.