Journey of a Dream

The tears have not stopped till today after 4 long months. It happens now at less intervals and shorter periods these days. Bottom line, it still hurts because he mattered to me.

I saw him at the Studio Party the other day. Seeing him again, all the memories came alive again. I felt pity for myself. So at 12am, I wanted to leave badly. The more I sat there, the more irrational thoughts I have.

Walking down the stairs, I saw Fred and asked him casually if he was going to have a drink at Devi's. He wasn't going to, but he invited me, and I didn't say no. So the both of us started talking. I love talking to retirees, mainly because they have so much experience in life worth sharing about. We started talking about work. Fred was also a chemist, a rarity because how many people do you meet who is a chemist? Then we started talking about relationships. Fred told me a lot of things I needed to hear. I felt good talking to him, not so hopeless in life after all. And he gave me a tip how I can instantly feel better.

Today evening, we had bachata class again after 4 months break. It really didn't feel that long. People say time flies when you are having fun. I beg to differ. Time flies equally as fast when you are in pain. The pain was elevated by people who care about me, the dog who loves me, the earth that shakes me, the boss that bugs me (ironically, work stress helps to ease emotional pain), so with all these it doesn't feel so painful anymore.

Compared to many moons ago, I am in much better shape now. So I am actually making progress. There are lesser outbursts, sleepless nights, almost no tantrums at all, almost completely rational, my appetite returned (my colleagues can testify to this), my love for shopping returned (these days I do online shopping a lot, I buy gym membership, food, lingerie, magazines, pole dancing class, facial treatment, even language courses, online), I love to dress up and make up once again, I enjoy meeting up with friends (previously all I wanted to do was cry at home). Remember, you are the sole creator of your reality.