Journey of a Dream

Ps Pat Mesiti is really my favourite speaker of all times. I remember the last time he came, it was mid December and I was working at a contractor's firm. One of the nights, my boss asked me to stay back to rush for a tender. So I worked until about 8.30 and my boss sent my straight to church (My colleagues told me it was the first time our boss sent any worker back, anyway that is besides the point). I reached the church lobby at 9 and it was way to late for me to enter the hall, so I sat there listening to Pastor Pat preach. Even with only the screen, I felt Ps Pat speaking right to my heart. He said, "Mistake is not who you are but what you do." That was enough it make me cry because all my life, I felt like a mistake. I believed God used Ps Pat because his pronouncement healed the brokenness all along.

3 months and yonder

Ps Pat is back again!!! I told myself that this time I can't afford to miss any of the sessions. Each session, Ps Pat has different ways to convey his life changing messages with his jokes and illustrations.

Ps Pat quipped, "A DREAM from your heart without a PLAN in your head and SEED in your hand will never turn into reality."

In Gen 41, after Joseph interpreted Pharoah's dreams, he had a PLAN. And that plan is to save up 20% of the crops in the 7 years of plenty to compensate for the 7 years of famine. Guess what, that 20% became a 100%!! Ps Pat teaches us to sow in the time of famine because our seed will never look like harvest. We have to see the potential behind the seed. So with that, when it was time to give our offerings, Ps Pat did something extraordinary: he asked every individual to write our dreams into the offering envelope.

So I began, a tear or two swelled up, it suddenly came upon me that my greatest dream at this point of time is to see someone change. There is so much talents and gifts deposited inside him, but yet they are not used to its potential. It hurt me so much to see the way he is, yet I can't do anything to it. What is impossible in the eyes of men, it is possible with God. Ps Pat said that our results after sowing the seed may not be instant, but we will surely reap a harvest.

I looked behind me and there stood a person, a childhood friend, someone so close to my heart. At one point of her life, things were so tough for her that she stopped going to church. When she started coming to City Harvest, I found it hard to talk to her because she didn't open up to me (due to the complexity of our relationship). I felt burden in my heart to pray for her. Nevertheless, she came to church every week. Change comes in progression as I see her faithfully joining cell group now. Though I don't understand why other cells manage to reach out to her but not me, I am overjoyed. Yes so prayer does move the hand of God.. If it can happen to her, it can happen to my dear friend.

Last Sunday, Pastor taught that one of the City Harvest culture is working hard, and the other being excellent in their work, studies and service for God. The whole of these three years, I have tried to embrace all of these. It is not easy because by nature, human beings tend to be lazy. The second law of thermodynamics holds true, which is also known as the law of entropy; that the world is going in the direction of chaos. So to say, if you leave a place untouched for half a year, dusts will gather on every corner of the place, or by just doing nothing, your room gets messed up in no time. On the contrary, the energy profile that needs to be overcome to clean the room is so much greater than messing it.

Alright, that is enough of physics here. Time passes so quickly that I have come to the end of my undergraduate life. In one more month, I will be called a degree holder. So here I just wanna give salutations (that is how Charlotte in Charlotte's Web put it) to my beloved uni, the prestigious UM and the things that I learnt here.


1. Life is about consistency
Term system is irrefutably different from semester system. For STPM, one can start painstaking hard work months prior to the exams and still manage to bag a few A's. It didn't matter how one did during the school tests, because ultimately people only bothered to look at the STPM results.

In uni, the senario is quite different. It is really about consistency. Every test, every assignment would eventually affect your overall grade, the CGPA. One has to work hard through out the whole semester, in fact the whole of 3 years. There is no time for slack!

2. Reality of Stress
Let's face the fact. For more than once we comfort ourvelves by saying that after this assignment, we will be able to take a rest. The truth is, the assignments will keep coming in and there is no end to it. There will be times where you can't sleep because you are worried sick about the 4 tests the next day. There are also times that you will be deprived of sleep for the whole week that at the end of the week you almost drop dead. That is part and parcel of uni and the antidote is balance.

3. Doing things fast
Like Chris Gardner, I learn to do things fast.

4. Reality of Failure
I never fully comprehend what failure is before coming to uni, specifically academic failure. I was accustomed to people's uproar and applause.. all of it until I came to university. I understood how to be quiet on the day the results came out. Recently, I asked someone who had just received her SPM results how she did. I greeted her and asked her politely, I was sure she heard me, but she pretended not to hear me. That was plain rude and showed her immaturity in handling failure. Maybe she did badly but it didn't give her the right to be rude. At university, I learn to receive bad results with open heart, and may even joke about it. In my heart, I set my heart to move on and do well the next time. There is nothing that you can undo about the past.

Have you ever failed despite trying hard? My coursemates have this assumption that I am hardworking and would take an extra mile to do the things that people won't do; binding my notes, buying books (instead of photocopy), and buying the best stationaries. Naturally, they would expect me to do well in exams. Unfortunately, sometimes I do not. I have failed their expectations. And worst, I have failed my own expectations.

People say, success is trying again and again without losing heart. If you have never slept at a public toilet like Chris Gardner did, you have never stooped low enough. If Chris Gardner could one day own a multi - million stake company when he began as a failed salesman, you and I too could be someone great.

Martin Luther King Jr said, "Not everyone can be famous, but everyone can be great."

What is the phase of your life right now?

It could be being stupid. It could be struggles. It could be a state of confusion and complexity. If you do not give up, one day it could be happYness.

I've been tagged by Siew Lee to do this... So here it goes:

6 Weird Facts About Me

1. I like to bite ice cubes
I know it's not good for my teeth but I can't break from this habit. Ice cubes to me are like cigarette to some people. I'm just addicted. Some how ice cubes taste good.

2. I cover my face with pillow when I sleep
If you ask me whether I get suffocated, I don't. Hopefully I won't. It got started when I shifted to Sri Sentosa. My previous room was dark and nice to sleep in, but my current room seems too bright to sleep in. So I use a pillow to cover my face to shun the light.

3. I am in love with a dog
I am willing to do anything for Oreo. When Oreo is in my house, I would tell my friends that I can't go out... because I have Oreo to attend to. I like to talk to Oreo even though he won't reply me, but perhaps he understands me.

4. I am a mamak fanatic
As kids, my brother and I would eagerly follow my dad to mamak every day. But now it is just me and Dad. I would feel uneasy if I do not get to go to mamak with my Dad. It's a time I get to chill out with Dad and we would just talk about every thing under the sun. At other times, Dad and I won't even say a word - we just sip our teh tariks.

5. I take off my clothes when I sleep
I can't remember doing that but when I wake up, I find myself without clothes. Err... scary. It was probably because the night was hot. Thank goodness that doesn't happen often.

6. I can't think now...

People I want to tag: whom ever reads my blog!! And do inform me if you do..

1. On the eve of the Chinese New Year, I went back to UM to look for journal articles. SO unlike me but it was fun. It made me think that I'm smart.

2. I got cheated twice this week. McD waiter gave me the set without the Coke. Starbucks barista charged me mocha when I had cappucino. I realised that when I look at the receipt when I got home. Should be more careful next time. My absentmindedness is not helping.

3. I misplaced my Student ID in the car. I was worried sick and was hoping that no one would borrow my card to borrow loads of book. Thank God I found it in Dad's car.

4. My cute and fuzzy Oreo is here again. I love the sight of him sleeping in that red sailor suit. So so cute!!! What would I do without Oreo? I pray that he live 10 more yrs and I am satisfied. Hehe...

5. I watched almost every available movie at the cinemas: Dreamgirls, Protege, Twin's Mission, Music & lyrics, Ghostrider, Last Kiss, The Holiday, Norbit. Not too bad rite?

Fear has got a way to grip you off your joy. As age catches up, I realise I am not much a risk taker than I used to be. I remember catching bus late at night after gym, the bus stop was empty and it didn't worry me a bit. Now, I am worried if anyone will snatch my stuff even when someone, a big macho guy, is walking me to the bus stop.

I used to drive a lot with my Kancil. Now I drive much less. One reason is the petrol that my dear Wira so like to consume, the other reason being afraid that I might get into another crash. How many times do I have to explain that it was not my fault? It didn't really concince some people though. To save myself the risk of an accident, many times I choose not to drive, even it meant I lose my convenience. I tried to talk myself that it won't happen again, but I am still miserably gripped by fear. Being able to drive again itself is a breakthrough.

As the "readership" to my blog increases, there is a greater pressure to write things that my readers would be interested to know. I want my readers to always enjoy my writings, and at the same time I want to blog about my daily life, in which most people would not be interested because it is too mundane, so i only blog when there is a lot of ideas storing in my brain. At times, I don't want to write too much personal stuff. At other times, I don't want to be accused a narcissist.

I am afraid to be seen at certain places. I wish I can cover my face with a shawl. But it is then I look at my best. So why shy away?

If I like a guy, most likely I will let it slip if the guy doesn't do anything. I am not one that goes to approach the guy. Had it been me years ago, I would probably confront the guy if I sense a bit of chemistry between us. I used to take risks like that. Not anymore for the fear of being rejected and I always believe the first move is from the guy.

So what is next? I really gotta evaluate the fear element in my life. If this persists, it is going to rip me of a faith future. I need this day where I can say I can fall, cos God is catching from behind.