Challenges in life could either make you or break you. For me, I think it is the latter. Last night I had imsomnia again. So while trying to put myself to sleep, I took out a brown dog - eared notebook with the words GIBs (GIB simply meant "girls in blue", that time Men in Black just came out) written on the front page that YSL, Sookie, Prash and I used to write back in Form 2. Back then, that book was our means of communication as we were all in different classes and chances to meet were little. We took turns to write what we have to say to each other. As kids (teens), we were childish, sometimes selfish, naive and we didn't care what we would turn out to be. Now we do.
It is scary to think how lives have changed for us. For one, Siew Lian is the only one that I'm still keeping in touch with. People come, people go. That's how life works right? Maybe I would do things differently given another chance but there ain't turning back of time or time for regrets for that matter. Prash, YSL and I were put into the same class in Form4, but things were never the same again.
8 years ago, it was the age of mIRC, Spice Girls, Sailormoon, Titanic... what else? But one topic hasn't change much. Boys!!! Now no more boys la. We are talking about men here. We often made the proclamation, "I am in love with ....", like hello, that guy was probably just someone who was taking the same bus, a tuition mate or someone we meet in cyberspace or some camp! As I was flipping through the pages, I was taken aback by an apparent "vow" that I made to myself then. I wrote, "If I meet somebody I really like, I will not miss the opportunities to know him and express my feelings." Since it was a vow, and I am still me, does it mean I still have to keep it? Damn..
9:18 am
hey, what caused the insomnia last nite? i remember i did write alot in a small notebook and a diary of which gal i like, and the process of how i 'kau' her. when i read back, i found out that how unrealistic i was. all i thought of was just to 'kau' her, be with her. there was no plan for future. other than that, i wasted too much time thinking of those gals, felt heartache, etc (one at a time of course).
i did express my feelings to a number of gals, but at the end, i still dont have any. i really dont know what is the problem with me.
you wrote: "If I meet somebody I really like, I will not miss the opportunities to know him and express my feelings." ahem... for me, i think i will rarely express my feeling for any gal now even if i really like her. the fact is i cant 'gau dim' myself at the moment yet, how am i gonna take care of another?
besides, i also need to support my parents and sister who is still studying.. anyway, when the time comes when the gal and i really feel comfortable with each other, can click well even at friends level, then i believe love will just happen very naturally. if she's for me, she will wait for me and will not be taken by another guy.
what do you think? so, any guy on your mind now? hehe...
9:18 am
oh ya.. your font too small lah. :p
11:04 am
I have imsomnia since the accident. but the main reason is actually cos I have a habit of sleeping late..hehe.. Seems like a lot of ppl have been asking me, "what is the problem with me?" Honestly, I wish to have the answer as well. Maybe the approach is wrong? Maybe the timing isn't right? Maybe you haven't met one whose your minds clique? Maybe you are over qualified? (This is what I suggested to another fren)
Don't have to worry bout having to take care of the other person. These days girls can take care of themselves n they are actually quite independant. Got any more questions? Bring it to BIg Sis haha!!!
Any guy on my mind? Since you have been following my blog what you think le?
10:05 am
ooo... i see. any more question for big sister? haha.. dont know lah. at the moment dont have i think..
any guy on your mind... maybe. i am not sure..
3:38 pm
there was a indeed a Ben, but not anymore. Moving on with life
2:08 pm
Was it a tough decision to make to move on with life and letting it go? I feel that it's not easy at all... must have took u quite a while and a strong will to make that decision. I wish i can tell myself the same, but if i still see the person, it's gonna be very hard. Unless he makes me angry and we stop talking. Hahaha... That works actually. There;s this guy whom i use to so call like, but cos he scolds me when i work with him, that sorta turned me off haha.. i'm sure u know who am i talking about. ;)
3:00 pm
It takes a lot of courage. It makes me sad thinking about him. Scolding turns you off, maybe treating me like a cowdung turns me off? Haha. It makes me sad to see my frenship with 'Ben' change. It's like after he is done with me, he is gone (it's just a metaphor, not like in real life he gets to do anything to me). I am satisfied keeping at frenship level, ok, maybe good frens, ok maybe more. Close frens? confidants? Just don't treat me as a cow.. u n me same, in terms that we want to be treated properly..