Journey of a Dream

Last Sunday, Pastor taught that one of the City Harvest culture is working hard, and the other being excellent in their work, studies and service for God. The whole of these three years, I have tried to embrace all of these. It is not easy because by nature, human beings tend to be lazy. The second law of thermodynamics holds true, which is also known as the law of entropy; that the world is going in the direction of chaos. So to say, if you leave a place untouched for half a year, dusts will gather on every corner of the place, or by just doing nothing, your room gets messed up in no time. On the contrary, the energy profile that needs to be overcome to clean the room is so much greater than messing it.

Alright, that is enough of physics here. Time passes so quickly that I have come to the end of my undergraduate life. In one more month, I will be called a degree holder. So here I just wanna give salutations (that is how Charlotte in Charlotte's Web put it) to my beloved uni, the prestigious UM and the things that I learnt here.


1. Life is about consistency
Term system is irrefutably different from semester system. For STPM, one can start painstaking hard work months prior to the exams and still manage to bag a few A's. It didn't matter how one did during the school tests, because ultimately people only bothered to look at the STPM results.

In uni, the senario is quite different. It is really about consistency. Every test, every assignment would eventually affect your overall grade, the CGPA. One has to work hard through out the whole semester, in fact the whole of 3 years. There is no time for slack!

2. Reality of Stress
Let's face the fact. For more than once we comfort ourvelves by saying that after this assignment, we will be able to take a rest. The truth is, the assignments will keep coming in and there is no end to it. There will be times where you can't sleep because you are worried sick about the 4 tests the next day. There are also times that you will be deprived of sleep for the whole week that at the end of the week you almost drop dead. That is part and parcel of uni and the antidote is balance.

3. Doing things fast
Like Chris Gardner, I learn to do things fast.

4. Reality of Failure
I never fully comprehend what failure is before coming to uni, specifically academic failure. I was accustomed to people's uproar and applause.. all of it until I came to university. I understood how to be quiet on the day the results came out. Recently, I asked someone who had just received her SPM results how she did. I greeted her and asked her politely, I was sure she heard me, but she pretended not to hear me. That was plain rude and showed her immaturity in handling failure. Maybe she did badly but it didn't give her the right to be rude. At university, I learn to receive bad results with open heart, and may even joke about it. In my heart, I set my heart to move on and do well the next time. There is nothing that you can undo about the past.

Have you ever failed despite trying hard? My coursemates have this assumption that I am hardworking and would take an extra mile to do the things that people won't do; binding my notes, buying books (instead of photocopy), and buying the best stationaries. Naturally, they would expect me to do well in exams. Unfortunately, sometimes I do not. I have failed their expectations. And worst, I have failed my own expectations.

People say, success is trying again and again without losing heart. If you have never slept at a public toilet like Chris Gardner did, you have never stooped low enough. If Chris Gardner could one day own a multi - million stake company when he began as a failed salesman, you and I too could be someone great.

Martin Luther King Jr said, "Not everyone can be famous, but everyone can be great."

What is the phase of your life right now?

It could be being stupid. It could be struggles. It could be a state of confusion and complexity. If you do not give up, one day it could be happYness.

I've been tagged by Siew Lee to do this... So here it goes:

6 Weird Facts About Me

1. I like to bite ice cubes
I know it's not good for my teeth but I can't break from this habit. Ice cubes to me are like cigarette to some people. I'm just addicted. Some how ice cubes taste good.

2. I cover my face with pillow when I sleep
If you ask me whether I get suffocated, I don't. Hopefully I won't. It got started when I shifted to Sri Sentosa. My previous room was dark and nice to sleep in, but my current room seems too bright to sleep in. So I use a pillow to cover my face to shun the light.

3. I am in love with a dog
I am willing to do anything for Oreo. When Oreo is in my house, I would tell my friends that I can't go out... because I have Oreo to attend to. I like to talk to Oreo even though he won't reply me, but perhaps he understands me.

4. I am a mamak fanatic
As kids, my brother and I would eagerly follow my dad to mamak every day. But now it is just me and Dad. I would feel uneasy if I do not get to go to mamak with my Dad. It's a time I get to chill out with Dad and we would just talk about every thing under the sun. At other times, Dad and I won't even say a word - we just sip our teh tariks.

5. I take off my clothes when I sleep
I can't remember doing that but when I wake up, I find myself without clothes. Err... scary. It was probably because the night was hot. Thank goodness that doesn't happen often.

6. I can't think now...

People I want to tag: whom ever reads my blog!! And do inform me if you do..

1. On the eve of the Chinese New Year, I went back to UM to look for journal articles. SO unlike me but it was fun. It made me think that I'm smart.

2. I got cheated twice this week. McD waiter gave me the set without the Coke. Starbucks barista charged me mocha when I had cappucino. I realised that when I look at the receipt when I got home. Should be more careful next time. My absentmindedness is not helping.

3. I misplaced my Student ID in the car. I was worried sick and was hoping that no one would borrow my card to borrow loads of book. Thank God I found it in Dad's car.

4. My cute and fuzzy Oreo is here again. I love the sight of him sleeping in that red sailor suit. So so cute!!! What would I do without Oreo? I pray that he live 10 more yrs and I am satisfied. Hehe...

5. I watched almost every available movie at the cinemas: Dreamgirls, Protege, Twin's Mission, Music & lyrics, Ghostrider, Last Kiss, The Holiday, Norbit. Not too bad rite?

Fear has got a way to grip you off your joy. As age catches up, I realise I am not much a risk taker than I used to be. I remember catching bus late at night after gym, the bus stop was empty and it didn't worry me a bit. Now, I am worried if anyone will snatch my stuff even when someone, a big macho guy, is walking me to the bus stop.

I used to drive a lot with my Kancil. Now I drive much less. One reason is the petrol that my dear Wira so like to consume, the other reason being afraid that I might get into another crash. How many times do I have to explain that it was not my fault? It didn't really concince some people though. To save myself the risk of an accident, many times I choose not to drive, even it meant I lose my convenience. I tried to talk myself that it won't happen again, but I am still miserably gripped by fear. Being able to drive again itself is a breakthrough.

As the "readership" to my blog increases, there is a greater pressure to write things that my readers would be interested to know. I want my readers to always enjoy my writings, and at the same time I want to blog about my daily life, in which most people would not be interested because it is too mundane, so i only blog when there is a lot of ideas storing in my brain. At times, I don't want to write too much personal stuff. At other times, I don't want to be accused a narcissist.

I am afraid to be seen at certain places. I wish I can cover my face with a shawl. But it is then I look at my best. So why shy away?

If I like a guy, most likely I will let it slip if the guy doesn't do anything. I am not one that goes to approach the guy. Had it been me years ago, I would probably confront the guy if I sense a bit of chemistry between us. I used to take risks like that. Not anymore for the fear of being rejected and I always believe the first move is from the guy.

So what is next? I really gotta evaluate the fear element in my life. If this persists, it is going to rip me of a faith future. I need this day where I can say I can fall, cos God is catching from behind.

Grace exclaimed, "Do you know Abel? He is my boyfriend.." As a Sunday School teacher to a 5 yr old girl, I thought Abel was another 5 yr old kid from her school. Little did I know, it was the famous Abel that we all know - the worship leader in the church. I only found that out when Abel came, and Grace immediately ran to him and slattered his face with kisses. The two others, Adreanna and Ashley followed. They thronged to him for some time, and I was startled with amazement.

Puppy love.. another word we used say in school was crush. Grace is not the only one who's guilty of that. I had mine too. I remember leaning on my "first boyfriend's" shoulder at kindergarten. I can't remember his name, but one day, we had an argument. That was the end of our "relationship". One day, he peed on his pants and the whole class knew. The devillish me laughed on the inside. Then cute and sweet but short Joseph came along. Of course, we lost contact after that. I was in a girl school ever since.

Boys and I since then were enemies. At my babysitter's house, I was constantly afraid of an older boy who bullied me. He made me sit in Buddha position for hours every day and threatened to punish me if I moved an inch. One day, I saw his asset because he did not bother to wear underwear at the age of 10. I was like, "Gosh, what a view. Give me a break".

My church had a ministry called the Royal Rangers and I just followed along. One day, we had to test our survival skills by ligthing a flame using the "A frame". I collected dried twigs and was all set to light the flame, when a boy came and took my twigs away. I was fuming mad. Guess what? What a fine young man he turn out to be today..

When I was 12, I suddenly had this weird feelings about boys that made me tingle with excitement. Later on, I found out that it was crush. Royal Rangers organized an annual camp at some campsite, and there's where I met Kevin. I was really shy then and dared not talk to him. It was until a few years later that I gathered enough guts to talk to him. I must have blushed. As he was from a nearby school, I saw him in a few occasions during Christian Fellowshio meetings. We kept contact for a while but later on I found out he moved to US. So much for a teenage crush.

For the first time in 4 years, Jolene, Shanthinee and I are back again to celebrate new year. It was at Finnegans Sri Hartamas, if I remember correctly. This time we celebrated it underground without much noise of celebration like fireworks being heard. We also had the company of Siew Lee and some others, and we certainly had fun. With Christmas and New Year, it almost led me to have illusion that I would be able to celebrate like this every week. A dream will always be a dream. Hope for another festival to arrive, Chinese New Year maybe? Almost every year I celebrate festivals the same way and it made me to think that I haven't achieve much. It's like a yearly routine. Take CNY for example. On eve, everyone will come to my house to have reunion dinner. Almost approaching mid night, my family would be out at the mamak for the countdown. Next day, my bros and I would wake up late and my mum would be cooking in the kitchen. When we wake up, we would drink our yearly Milo drink dibancuh in a container. About 12 something, my relatives would come and have lunch together. Then we would go visitting the same houses every year. Even the sequence is the same. Then on the 2nd day of CNY, another bunch of relatives would arrive to have lunch and then they would leave the same time. The cycle goes on and on every year. For a very long long time, there were no arrival of newly weds in my extended family, Oh, I almost forgot, my cousin brought her baby girl last year. So much of anticipation..

People are excited about new year because it represents new hope and new resolutions. For me, a new semester started last week and there were many glitches that I encountered that caused me to skip a lot of classes. There were registration and credit hours problems and thank God it is now all settled. One of the things that I want to do is to minimize skipping classes and be as effective as possible. Afterall, it's the last semester of my final year and I might as well give it a best shot. And did I say I have got no classes on Fridays? For the first half, my Wednesdays are free too. I can tell it's a good semester ahead. And Yee Lin tirelessly offer me her room when I have intervals in between classes. Just for me to lie there and sleep. How nice of her.

In the past, I tried to avoid politics among my coursemates but it seems this time, I am just bound to be in it. There are gossips and it is impossible to rub on everybody's back. Either way, there will be a lot of backstabbing. Actually I don't give a damn about all these. But standing on the fence is no better. I hope I won't be forced to side anyone.