Of fear and risks
Fear has got a way to grip you off your joy. As age catches up, I realise I am not much a risk taker than I used to be. I remember catching bus late at night after gym, the bus stop was empty and it didn't worry me a bit. Now, I am worried if anyone will snatch my stuff even when someone, a big macho guy, is walking me to the bus stop.
I used to drive a lot with my Kancil. Now I drive much less. One reason is the petrol that my dear Wira so like to consume, the other reason being afraid that I might get into another crash. How many times do I have to explain that it was not my fault? It didn't really concince some people though. To save myself the risk of an accident, many times I choose not to drive, even it meant I lose my convenience. I tried to talk myself that it won't happen again, but I am still miserably gripped by fear. Being able to drive again itself is a breakthrough.
As the "readership" to my blog increases, there is a greater pressure to write things that my readers would be interested to know. I want my readers to always enjoy my writings, and at the same time I want to blog about my daily life, in which most people would not be interested because it is too mundane, so i only blog when there is a lot of ideas storing in my brain. At times, I don't want to write too much personal stuff. At other times, I don't want to be accused a narcissist.
I am afraid to be seen at certain places. I wish I can cover my face with a shawl. But it is then I look at my best. So why shy away?
If I like a guy, most likely I will let it slip if the guy doesn't do anything. I am not one that goes to approach the guy. Had it been me years ago, I would probably confront the guy if I sense a bit of chemistry between us. I used to take risks like that. Not anymore for the fear of being rejected and I always believe the first move is from the guy.
So what is next? I really gotta evaluate the fear element in my life. If this persists, it is going to rip me of a faith future. I need this day where I can say I can fall, cos God is catching from behind.
10:03 am
no more fear fear in your life. find faith and courage in God, for perfect love cast out fear!
11:48 am
thanks mike.. that's what I need, always do
3:17 am
i thing i learn from bloggin is not to compromise. it is not that there are so many readers therefore you have to write their preference things. nah, be yourself! why is there an increased of readers in your blog? bcoz u r u!
as we mature, we will thinks of the consequences in every steps we took, therefore v bcome timid again. true to a certain extent also la, of course being alone in the bus stop at night is xtremely dangerous!! ;)
anyway, the point i m trying to point out here is that if you dont do it now, you will regret later. i was thinking to myself: if i dont do it now, when then? when i m old enough? nah...i will not have the energy to do it then...
anyway it is just some of my humble opinions... yes, we should fear at times, but fear wisely! that is what i wanna say here.
all the best!
amy
*sorry couldnt make it out with u guys on wed nite...