There were some things that happened in the past that I wish I could wipe out from my memory. Memories I wish could be eternally deleted by a click of my the mouse, but unfortunately, as much as I desire, human beings are not wired in such a way.
It could all be summed up in my 3 previous posts: here, here and here
It used to hurt me really much until the point the I decided to forget it. I avoided it like a plague. I didn't cry. I stopped asking why. I pretended it never happened. I thought I got over it.
But I didn't.
It is the fear of being betrayed. The fear of being abandoned. The fear of being unloved.
Lately, my friend led me to read something about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. It was a poem he wrote for his ex gf (I think so!) before we even met. He wasn't aloof, he was idealistic, loving and passionate. All the more, I couldn't understand why it all happened.
I don't ask to turn back time. I believe it was for a good reason that it all happened. Thinking about it, the damage was not all that bad. At least not physically. I had exagerated it.
Fast forwarding to the present, I do not regret what began as Comedy Night. I can feel the doubts already that maybe it shouldn't have been. I hate the aloofness, though it was not always.
Disclaimer: Written at 5am - packed with emotionalism!
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