My 50 things to do in life

I stumbled upon a website which suggests 50 things you should do in your lifetime. I find it interesting and will categorise each of them as an accomplishment or still waiting to be accomplished.

1. Watch sunset & sunrise - Someone told me that he will bring me to watch sunrise at Broga Hill. I am still waiting in child - like faith anticipation.

2. Pass on a nugget of knowledge - All the time. I'm not kedekut ilmu. Hahaha. I remember teaching Jolene Maths in F6.

3. Go naked - in the beach. Still wondering about that idea but definitely not in Malaysia.

4. Scuba-dive - Yeah this one I want to do. Next year hopefully.

5. Grow something - I grew taugeh before. Apart from that, I daren't try. All plants die in my care.

6. Become a parent- Yes by faith!

7. Ride a rollercoaster - Done it so many times - Sunway Lagoon, Genting Corkskrew, Ocean Park "mo tin loon"

8. Quit your job - I tendered my resignation 2 mths ago and certainly don't regret it.

9. Visit Paris - Some day...

10. Take photos of your family and friends - Ermm.. this will be tough. My parents will think that I have gone weird.

11. Tell someone you love them - I told Oreo that I love him, is that counted?

12. Test drive a Ferrari - with Selvan maybe, I remember he wanted to test drive a Lamboghini with me

13. Read a classic novel - Alright I have done this quite ok

14. Find an old school friend - I found my kindie friend after more than 10 yrs of separation

15. Go to the theatre - I will go with someone special

16. Learn to swim - I taught someone to swim in fact, though I'm a cacat swimmer

17. Go outside and lie on the grass - I like that idea

18. Take a last minute city break - Alright perhaps some time I will go walk Petaling Street

19. Have a favourite joke - New one will be Wonderwoman, Superman & Invincible man joke

20. Go to a concert - Been to a magic show. Is that considered?

21. Have a food fight - Not yet

22. Treat yourself to a health spa - Not yet

23. Watch a cinema classic - Is pretty woman considered a classic? I love that one.

24. Be creative - this isn't too hard. Can try asking Jolene what I did for her one Christmas.

25. Take a hot-air balloon ride - One day

26. Give to charity - Being in a generous church, been there done that till it aches. But it's all for a good reason

27. Climb a mountain - I'm supposedly going to do that at Mount KK but I don't know if it's still gonna happen.

28. Phone in work sick and relax - Haha right! Did that twice last year and once this year.

29. Christmas in New York - This is a good one

30. Go horse riding - pony riding at Frasers Hill. Considered right? But honestly I'm not too keen on this.

31. Go to a sporting event - Been to Bukit Jalil for Commonwealth Games

32. Take a walk in the rain - I have to agree it's fun

33. Surprise someone - honestly I haven't been doing this for a long time. Plan to do something later part of this year. But I don't know if that's still gonna happen.

34. Parachute jump - Plan to do that in Bali

35. Sleep under the stars - That's so romantic!

36. Visit the pyramids - I have been to the Angkor Wat, I think this is a must too

37. Know your neighbours - Ok I know them

38. Learn something new - Been at salsa & bachata lately. Loving it more day by day.

39. Ask a stranger for a date - Never tried that but a stranger did ask me for a date

40. Have a fun bet - I do not condone to gampling

41. Sample foreign food - That's the beauty of backpacking. You get to do that all the time.

42. Go whale watching - How bout dolphine watching instead? Plan to do that in Bali

43. Cook something - I just did today with the Taiwan sausages. But honestly, I will do that for the person I love. And he must appreciate it though it sucks.

44. Get tipsy with good company - I can't remember getting tipsy lately

45. Visit Machu Picchu - Don't know what's that but it sounds interesting

46. See what's happening in your community - Supposed to have gone visitting poor family. Anyway I will make up to that.

47. See the northern lights - 'Aurora Borealis' Nice...

48. Serenade someone - I am waiting for someone to serenade me

49. Visit a museum - Macau Maritime Museum, Macau Museum, Cambodia Museum, Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, Sun Yat Sen Memorial Museum - somehow I haven't visit Museum Negara

50. Be happy - Argh that seems so difficult at the time being

"I'm a lonely ghost of a man"

By any luck, I stumbled upon the abridged version of Christmas Carol with my student some time this year. As I flipped the pages, I thought to myself what a great Charles Dicken's book this was.

Ebenezer Scrooge was a cold hard man. He lived alone and he didn't treat well the only people whom he knew, his nephew and co-worker Bob. The only thing he chased was money. But on Christmas eve, all these were going to change forever. It took dead Marley to tell Scrooge of the heavy chains which could only be loosened by love and generosity. And the ghosts of Past, Present and Future to remind him of the sad childhood he had, a sad life he was going to have if he wasn't going to change.

Ghost of Girlfriends Past is an adaptation of Chrismas Carol with the addition of romantic elements. A casonova, Connor Mead, hitting on women as though they were commodity, and leaving them alone the next morning.

I cried at the scene where Jenny woke up alone without Connor snuggling her the next morning. Jenny cried because she had sincerely believed that Connor would change for her. But he didn't. And Connor left not because he didn't love her, but because he knew he has fallen for her and was afraid that things would not work out. He simply didn't believe in love.

"If there is one thing you learn tonight, it's this. The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less."

Another touching scene was the one at the Jenny's church wedding. It was heartbreaking for Connor to watch Jenny marrying another man. As he walked down the aisle he saw Paul, his brother without his wedding ring. It dawned upon him that he was the one who broke his marriage up. Connor followed Paul as he walked and aged through the woods. The woods ended at the grave of Connor Mead. As Connor watched his own funeral, he realised his life was empty despite being glamourous.

"Connor Mead was a lot of things to a lot of people, not all of them good things but to me he was a great brother. I guess it's just me against the world now."

I paused for a minute to think of the chains I carry. I truly think that the world is crowded with the wrong values. Love and loyalty have been shallowed down. People call it quits when things are not working well. People don't try hard enough to make relationships work. People don't work hard enough to woo the one they love. And it is certainly not true that what you can't get will be the most precious. The word "love" sends chills to the spine that people don't even have guts to utter it.

"Life, you know, it's like a quick cup of coffee, if you haven't got the guts to love someone, love them with all you've got, then you end up drinking alone."

It's 6.30 in the morning. I should still be on the bed but Oreo woke me up with his panting. And the room had been really hot with the air cond malfunctioning. My eyes are still heavy. They are dry but I just got them wet again. I made a terrible mistake. When you buy a pen for instance, your only hope for the pen is to keep writing and be consistent. I don't expect the pen to give me surprises by writing in different colours. I just want it to perform the way I wanted it to.

I made a terrible mistake. I wish I could reverse on it. But I know deep inside I couldn't. Sarah taught about the happiness trap. Yes I fell into that trap. But it wasn't for money. I know money can't make me happy. I hate being alone. For that matter, I hate walking into church 52 times a year alone. There are so many things I hate doing alone. Such as when my car got hit I fixed the whole thing alone. Nobody gave a shoulder to lean on.

Friends could only listen but what I really wanted was a shoulder. And I wanted the shoulder so badly. Then I find myself in that vicious cycle. It was sunny today. But the other day was cloudy. It didn't matter. I'm still gloomy every other day.

The good thing about having a busy job is you really have no time to think about a lot of things. But in between finishing my testing and visiting the other lab, I know misery is there. And it caught me off-caught at times. The other day I was looking for some samples in the solvent room. I felt suddenly that I wanted to end everything by consuming any of the chemical. It would end very quickly but no, I shrug myself to reality.

All I want is the pen to behave consistently. I didn't know the pen will say, "no, I won't write for you on alternate days, on weekends too." And for the coming week, the pen to say to me, "sorry I don't know when I will work." The thing is, I want the pen to work very well.

Alas vanity is vanity. All is vanity.

Paradiso

Oreo woke me up with his panting. He's ready to play to with my bolster but wait, I'm not ready to wake up! I slept at 2am in the morning after paradiso bachata night. My salsa classmates weren't there. But thankfully, a bachata classmate came and danced with me. And Siew Lee was there to accompany me. The dance floor was exceptionally big and overwhelming and dancing with so many experts is a reminder how much I need to improve myself. There weren't a lot of ppl. Maybe I should have gone to Salsa Havana.

There were some things I took for granted. Such as the liberty of having my own room. Talking to myself. The comfort of Internet. Paying my bills online. Finding out how much I still owe PTPTN. Checking my friends' blogs. Facebooking. Checking and replying my emails. Youtubing salsa n bachata videos. MSN. Getting in touch with the latest news. Going to work every day knowing that I will have a carpark. Having breakfast and bitching about Mr Cock with Mr Dot at the coffeeshop down the road. Not having to walk under the sun and wear those big Ronald McDonalds boots. Not those safety glasses that make me feel sleepy.

Gosh I am beginning to miss all these. Why do human beings begin to realise how certain things/ people are important only when they lost it? When will we stop taking things for granted?

The endless assuring hugs. The couch so perfect for making out. The nose once thought was pretty. The lips so kissable. Somehow it has turned to endless grumbles. Pain in the ear. Embarrassment. A burden. A taboo to be avoided. Something/ someone you can't acknowledge in the public. Feeling annoyed just because someone cares too much to worry about you. And then you tell her she made herself look stupid.