Journey of a Dream

Sometimes when I think about not seeing Oreo anymore, drops of tears would flow to my cheeks. About 3 years ago, while Oreo was just a year old, I had an unnecessary fear that Oreo would die earlier than me. Now, I know it sounds silly, of course he would unless I have a very short life. But more than a lot of people, he had been my companion. Whenever he was with me, I hardly had any difficult time going to sleep. It’s like all insomnia fade away every weekend he was around. Once, when I wept like a baby, Oreo stood next to me. The next thing he did, he licked my tears away as though he knew how I felt. He’s more human than canine! It’s hard to believe that not seeing Oreo anymore would soon be a reality. I can only look back to our photos to relive the memories of the past.I miss him like crazy!

Like other years, Valentine’s Day passed without any special plan, except that for lunch, the ten of us including cell members & PKVians made our way to Suchan to have a lavish lunch. It’s another heartache that now we are all (almost) a year older and single. While many held hands along our paths, we enjoyed our singles’ lunch. Later at night, a friend & I casually went out to play fireworks. We made it clear that had it been any other day, we would still go out. It turns out that we really had a great time together. Half way playing in the midst of the rain, he playfully yet seriously (I know this is oxymoron, but don’t know the better words to use) said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He mentioned once long ago during our Monday lunches, but I pretended I didn’t hear. Of course I was beamed with joy, but I told him that he didn’t made enough efforts so I didn’t really answer him.

Chemistry plays a big part of my life, both academically and in a relationship. Before this, a bit of a spark took place. If I didn’t like him at all, I wouldn’t spend the whole night talking to him until 4am (with other ppl as well). But when we both went back to our individual hometowns, the fire died like the fireworks would. He didn’t call me, or even a message. So I came to believe that it had all only been a fantasy.

No vow had been easier to fulfill except the one I made following my break – up in 2003 – that I would remain single until 21. At present time, I’m only 2 months away to fulfilling it. Time flies, so everyone says. Whatever pain I went through that time, I can’t even remember the feelings now. I can only remember how God comforted me in the middle of the night when I cried myself to sleep. I was overwhelmed with sorrow, but He comforted me with this verse from
Rev 21:4(NKJV)
“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

It’s one of those unusual Saturdays where I’m staying at home and doing work. Usually I’m with Oreo playing some silly games but today, he has got some guests at home so got to entertain them. Isn’t it too much stress for a dog? Hmnn.. a dog with social life. It’s 30 degrees outside. It’s always like this when Chinese New Year is around the corner, minus the lack of atmosphere this year, probably due to the tsunami tragedy.

I’ve been planning a lot of things; studies, ministry, now it’s been hours. People who know me well enough will know how slowly I do my things. My family nags me each time I eat my rice and slowly chew for half an hour. They are amazed by my ability to eat like a cow! I’ve promised myself to spend time studying Nuclear Chemistry (sounds hard, rite?). Ok..ok..I will do it after this. Don’t worry I will not design another bomb.

Well, I’m particularly slow for a reason though many will not say it’s valid. Actually, I’m not in the mood to do anything at all. Occasionally, I’ve been hit by huge mood swings (thankfully not tidal waves). It’s not like anything particularly bad happened or PMS, I just don’t feel like it. It’s probably due to lack of passion. Life in UM does not ignite me to do anything extra-ordinary. Back in La Salle, the school was such a rundown that I wondered if they should repaint the school. A strong essence of ammonia was detected whenever I passed by the gents, which was just opposite my class. Then, the bottles of chemicals in the lab were not closed. You could imagine how contaminated they are, especially in the hands of La Sallians. Speaking of them, there are many unpredictable characters in La Salle. One guy could spit so far that I wondered how long he took to practice that. Once, when I was walking down the stairs, one guy played with my hair from the back. I immediately turned around but they pretended nothing happened. The chairs in La Salle are twisted in such a way that neither fire nor ordinary strength could do it. Only with the creativity of La Sallians…

But then, it was in La Salle that I learned to put down my guards and have a little fun. Each morning I need not drag myself from bed because school was so unpredictable. Though life then was more routine, I did not know what to expect. It might be a day when we’d just run to Paandi’s to have our breakfast. We’ll never know which teacher was to make another lame joke or share her sarcastic comments. Sometimes, I would steal looks with the guy next door (for those of you who know the chemistry which took place). I find comfort being with my friends. Once in a while conflicts happened but at the end of everything, we were still very good friends. Some of us are still in UM but inevitably, our friendship has changed.

Sorry I just couldn’t help to compare life then & now. I’m feeling particularly nostalgic today. Please allow me to finish this while I still have passion to do it. The good side of it, I’m not at all in comfort zone to be in UM. At least I’m aware of this that I’m more ready to share the Gospel with someone else. For those of you who are reading this, please pray for me that a better life awaits me. I’m not satisfied having to spend 3 years in UM just like that.

Hmnn..doing a bit of promo here. Malam Krismas last night was awesome, minus the fact that the food was insufficient, knowing PKVians' appetitites. Didn't manage to get any bites at all but never mind about that.. had supper with Han Jian after that. They must have worked very hard. Just look at the carollers and people involved in the play. And of course, for those who made the back-drop. Very cute sheeps. Felt like playing with it but didn't have any chance. Long live PKV!!!
My third X'mas present came in yesterday at about 11pm. First one came from Jolene( It's natural spray from Carolina Herrera), then a very beautiful sand box from Ivan, and a stuffed toy from Han Jian. I haven't started buying any gifts yet. Ironically, last year I bought so many gifts but only received one(from Han Jian).

Just as I thought I missed Mum's "tong yuen", cos late night I came back unexpectedly when they had already gone to bed, Mum went out early to buy from the market for me. Hurray!!! Alas get to eat "tong yuen" and be a year older!!! Btw, bout what happened to that guy, I replied his message by saying that I was simply not interested. He continued calling me until Ivan picked up that call and told him not to disturb me any longer. Perfect solution? Or was I too mean to an admirer? More like to physco?

After reading such "yuk mah" message(this guy apparently confesed his "love" for me when I had only talked to him once) in the middle of the night while doing tutorial, which was rare occasion, I finally drifted to sleep at 3am in the morning. It left me to think that I always attract the wrong guy, not that I'm desperate for one. I can only conclude that the right one hasn't come along yet. There's this guy who appeared in my dream just few days ago, couldn't see his face but somebody who took care of me and won the admiration of my heart. Of course I adore certain people, but not to that extent. In reality, no such person ever existed. Maybe this guy is going to come soon, or maybe I desire someone like that in my life but will never exist, like Utopia. Very unlikely to appear, cos I need a lot of TLC, just like my Oreo.

If you are one that loves hiking, FRIM is a must- place to visit. E6(the code of our CG) began our journey using the terrain but halfway through, we took the hiking trail. It must have been quite tiresome for those who weren't used to it. We were like young cubs ready to rule the forest.With much panting and sweating, we finally made it to 1000 feet for the canopy walk. What a let down that it was closed for maintenance work. We continued our journey till we reached a waterfall. It was so inviting that I almost jumped at it. Playing at the waterfall couldn't have been more fun. For once I let my guards down and played like a little child. It wouldn't have been complete without food though. Our last stop was Wai Sek Kai in Kepong. Yummy!!!

I hate it. I tried to register another subject so many times. Got so fed up. I have 15 credit hours now, I need 3 more.

Hope I am able to get it done, sigh...