Journey of a Dream

Since the beginning of this year, I had one goal in mind. I wanted to run away from where I am now, because it's becoming too familiar to me.. For all my life, Klang Valley was all that I knew.. I had lived in Shah Alam, PJ Old Town, Kuchai Lama, Sri Sentosa and then coming back to Shah Alam.. The longest I ever left home was the 1 month when I went on the backpacking trip.. My soul longs for a change... A change so big that will turn my life around.. Yes,  I had been warned, it's not going to be easy.. "If you are not even happy here, what makes you think you will be happy elsewhere?" I agree with that to a certain extent but what makes me think I will be happy if I stay on for the next 10 years? I just wanted to give myself a chance.. and that involve taking a risk..

So I started doing my homework, I searched this and that website, decided to sit for English exam.. I know it's a long way to go and I am certainly making very slow progress.. How can I expedite this progress when I have to plan itinerary to go Tokyo, Seoul, Jogyakarta, Laos... That's not all, my tuition classes already takes up most of my time on Sunday.. Work is certainly not helping as by the time I get home, it's already almost 7pm.. and the last thing you have in mind to to begin another round of working.. Then at other times, gym which is very crucial to my physical health.. getting flat abs is one of my priorities this year. arghh, and I just bought this access to this language online website to learn spanish.. I've been wanting to learn spanish since started doing salsa..

PS; Tonigt I allow myself to crap a bit cos I slept poorly yesterday.. I dreamed that Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No1's new gf is a villain, and I was trying to warn him about it.. I guess, there's a part of me unwilling to let go..

All in all.. DISCIPLINE is the way to go..

Continuing from my last post about dealing with pain, it just amazes me how the brain works.. I have been going to Capsquare for many many times.. Most of the time, I went there with Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No2. But there were also times when I drove there on my own when Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No2 was away on his diving assignments..

But this time round as Joe drove, I completely had forgotten my whereabouts.. The roads looked very very familiar to me, but then they looked very much the same. It took us 1 hr to reach the place.. I was very "malu" to have wasted so much of Joe's petrol and time. I apologised profusely and was relieved that Joe will still keeping his cool.. Thankfully, he works in the Accidents and Emergency dept in the hospital, he probably knows how to handle this kind of scenario very well.

I believe the brain has a way of blocking unwanted memories.. Sure, dance was something that connected us, sure, Modesto's was where we spent a considerable amount of time together.. Also, there were also times that we skipped Modesto's to watch DVD on the yoga mat and drink soya bean added with protein powder (Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No2 is overly fetish about health).. So, I guess, in order to not remember all that, my brain has decided to remember what it wants to remember.. hence, causing my selective memory..

How do you respond when your ex's current girlfriend is stalking you? Not really stalking, but she added me on facebook.. and started asking me questions about him.. The way she asked me, I knew he ain't ordinary friend to her..

She probably doesn't know that I'm the ex (actually, he's not really my ex since we had never been official, he's my Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No1, but to simplify that, I shall just call him ex).

To cut the long story short, she asked me a lot of questions about him.. Of which I obviously know she's not in for a friendship with me, just for the sake of korekking his matlumat.. I said he is nice.. Then she asked me how is he nice to me? I didn't really reply her..

Coincidentally, this girl's birthday and mine fall on the same day.. Last year during my birthday, he already knew this gal, but he asked me out on my birthday anyway... That time, practice sessions with Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No2 just began not too long ago, so I didn't want to  miss it. I said no to him.. But as I linked the pieces together, I found out he gave her flowers and cooked spaghetti for her.. Aww so sweet of him.. That confirms that he was never really into me, cos he never cooked anything for me (on the merajuk mode now)!!

It feels really really weird to have your ex's new gf stalking you.. But then I'm really really happy for him if he finds the one (cos he's the type that is not easy to settle down)..

After all that I've been through these past few months.. no one can really know whether things happen for good or for bad.. Sometimes it's just vain to look for temporary happyness (spelt it like Chris Gardner).

I remember there was this day after watching movie and while waiting for Salsa Intermediate class to start at night, I went to hang out at Ex Unofficial Boyfriend No2's place.. That day I burrowed under his armpit like how Oreo does to me and he playfully asked my why I behaved like a dog.. 15 minutes later, I left for my salsa class, I saw a girl whom he had turned down.. That night, I felt like I've won some kind of war.. but look at how things turned out. I lost the battle. Alas, vanity of vanity.. all is vanity..

During my first 19 years of my life, I was confined to Malaysia grounds. So when at 19 years old my brother took me to Singapore for the first time, I was thrilled!! It felt a bit like katak finally getting out of tempurung. Ever since then, traveling had been my favourite things to do in life. A year later, sadly, when I finally had a chance to go to Melbourne to visit my aunt who was then studying there, I had to forgo the opportunity because my first semester at uni was starting even though I already had the air tickets with me.

Ever since then, I did not miss out on any opportunity to travel. Besides my yearly trip to Singapore, this is what I've done.

• 2005 - Beijing

• 2007- (1) Hong Kong, Shenzhen, (2) Chiang Mai, Ayuthaya, Bangkok, Siem Riep, Phnom Penh, Saigon, Nha Trang, Hoi An, Hue, Hanoi. The backpacking trip to Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam didn't go easy. I remember my mum going to Jol's house to coax her to cancel our plan. She even told Jolene that I'm a taufu who can't go through hardships. Of course, I proved her wrong. Guess who didn't vomit while on island hopping trip at Nha Trang? I really missed this trip and wondered how can mat salleh go on backpacking trips for a year, if not more.. I think I can understand why.. the things that you see is really different from what you see doing your deskbound job.. Even though coming back from that trip, I realised how lucky I was to be in Malaysia where standard of living is much better. I loved immersing in the Vietnamese culture, the Vietnamese just love shouting at each other and can be quite dramatic. The Vietnamese are quite petite and they look at Jol as if she's a giant.  Of course, over the one month of traveling together and spending day and night with each other can be quite challenging. There were times we could no longer take it and started yelling at each other.
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• 2009 - (1) Macau, Guangzhou, Foshan, Shenzhen, Hong Kong - Some may wonder why do I bother to go to the same place twice. The first time I went to HK, it was with my family following a tour, it was ok, except that going to HK during summer isn't such a great choice. The heat can sometimes kill half the fun. However, this second time round, I went to my friends during colder weather in January. I enjoyed this trip immensely even though there were hiccups along the way. The plus point of going just before CNY is that you do really feel like it's CNY here. (2) Jakarta (3) Krabi - I took the planning of this trip for 13 people entirely by myself. Honestly, after this trip, I have phobia for planning trips. People don't thank you when things are going fine, but the moment there is 1 hiccup, that is the big trouble. I made a big mistake booking a very lousy accommodation. Even though I did necessary research to read the reviews about the particular place I was going to stay, it was just beyond me when it turned out to be so lousy.. It's one of the lousiest place (if not the lousiest) guesthouse I have ever stayed. Even my budget backpacking trip did not come as this bad except for the "penthouse" we stayed at Long John's at Bangkok. This trip is kinda therapeutic.. I especially like the natural hot spring, dipping in those "holes" really took all my stress away (4) Bali -after planning Krabi trip, I didn't really have time to plan with Jolene. Afterall, we are seasoned backpackers. This is yet another grave mistake when we turned up at Kuta 2 days before the new year with no place to stay.. We walked for about 3 hours before we managed to find a place to stay.. Ubud was better, if there is any word I can describe about Ubud, it's "spiritual". I found a lot of peace here in the midst of all the trees..
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• 2010 - (1) Guilin, (2) Dubai, Abu Dhabi - This came as a surprise as just a week before my trip, my bro asked me over the Messenger if I would like to go there to visit him.. I gave him the details, and in less than a week, I flew there with my parents. Over there, there's just a lot of sand, cloudless sky, beautiful buidings and women dressed in burqah.. Everything here is so elaborate including the toilets. 
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• 2011- The best is yet to come. If nothing goes wrong, I should have 4 stories to tell..
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If you think where has all my money gone, here they are.. But I don't regret them all a single bit.. especially the first backpacking trip even though I was poor and just came out of uni.. I guess for me, nobody could stop me to do the things I really want to. I really really really love to travel, even more than dance.