Christmas bliss

Yet another Christmas had passed. For the first time in 3 years, I celebrated Christmas in a church service. The candles that all of us lit up were so pretty!! This year I didn't get to celerate with Siew Lee like how we had last year. But it's ok. Still manage to catch up with my Form 6 friends. After service, Nickey, Yee Lin, Theen Kin and I went to do last minute shopping at Pyramid. Towards the end, I was dead tired as the night before I stayed up late to write personal messages, so we went to Starbucks!! This time I collected enough stickers to get the planner(the barista gave me extra stickers). So I was beaming with joy as I held it close to my chest. Sadly, it is now gone again. Hopefully I will get a new one tomorrow. This year, I spent a lot of money on gifts. However, there were still not enough gifts to go with. In the end, I gave away some of the gifts that I received. It's not being insincere. In fact it was hard to part with my gifts, but it's always good to give.


Ally - A pretty bracelet
Yee Lin - Christmas candy and chocolates
Eng Kim - A bar of soap
Nickey - A magnet with my name on it
Alan - Famous Amos cookies with a bear

Lee Lian - a sleeveless top
Bros - cash
Calvin - a card all the way from Kuantan
Ivan - a cute candlestand

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Thanksgiving Nite





It's my 4th Thanksgiving at City Harvest Church. During my first, it was held at Holiday Villa and everyone was clad beautifully in their prom attires. I wore a Greek goddess - like dress, courtesy of Stephanie. I could still remember that I carefully chose a gold pin from Evita Peroni and had my make up done by the Chanel. Second time round, I wore a black Roxy dress as I received a bursary for STPM and graduated from CLT. Last year, I simply wore a dress that my mum bought. Thanksgiving nights are no longer held at Holiday Villa. Next time round, we might need KL Convention to fit us in.

This time round, initially I wanted to get the black tube dress with a long ribbon at the side from Zara. It simply costs too much. Then I went to Miss Selfridge. I fell in love with the satin dress with a big ribbon in the center. It costs RM100 more than the one at Zara. I knew it was impossible to get it. So I decided to go in with a two - piece. It worked, didn't it?
I had been working the past week, so I didn't have any time to go shopping until Saturday. Mid Valley was packed. The crowd told me Christmas is coming. The backdrop of the centre court was beautiful. It takes a mall to get you into the Christmas mood.

This year's thankgiving theme is Stars Collide. Surely, the stars did collide. There were graduation ceremony, awards presentation, bursary presentation, dances, songs, fashion show and make up and hair do competition. They worked so hard. In the end it was worth all the effort.

P.S. Yee Lin is missing from all the pictures. Busy smiling it seems. Will take more pictures of her during Christmas.

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Friendship

Siew Lian and Siew Lee wrote something about friendship, and like her, that word just keeps popping on my head. Sometimes I just feel down right lonely, even though I have many friends. And among the big pool of friends that I have, there are few that stand out among the rest. I have a fear that I will lose them along the way. Because all my life, that is what happened and it is inevitable that it will keep on happening. I admit that I am not the nicest person to be with. Sometimes I talk to much, sometimes I am sarcastic, sometimes I am moody, sometimes I expect too much. It takes so much time to get acquinted with someone, and harder to keep the friendship, but it only takes a tiny misunderstanding and a little can't - be - bothered attitude to lose a person. A few years back, I was very much a task oriented person. I was more interested in finishing the job and I didn't care about other people. But I realize that life is really about relationship. About people. Just imagine your career is booming, you have got nice car and nice clothes, everything else is perfect...except that you have got no family, no friends, nobody to share your life with. Most of us won't give a thought on this because we often take people around us for granted. So here, I want to thank my friends who make my life in small and great ways. And the apreciation goes to:


  • My coursemates; particularly to Karen and Sau Han. When I first came to uni, I thought I would be alone for the next 3 years as the result of language barrier. But it did not.. things started to improve in second year. Our friendship flourished beyond simbiosis and beyond the gates of uni. I love to hang out at Starbucks with you guys!!
  • Siew Lee - Thank you so much for listening to my daily ramblings. When things go bad, I know it can't go too bad... because you are always there to listen and I am not alone to go through it. Think about it, we have known each other for almost 10 years. How many people who were friends with you 10 yrs ago is still your friend today?
  • Steph - The one thing that we have in common is our liking in dogs. Especially a dog by the name of Oreo. One year, she bought me a cute bear wearing glasses as Christmas gift and I can still remember until today, cos up to then, I hardly receive cuddly stuff as gifts. Another year, she gave me a "moon" that says "to a person with a heart of gold". She is the one with a heart of gold
  • Alan - I just love this guy and distance never seem to be a barrier to our friendship. He's got a huge heart and I never regret doing LI there cos that is how I met Alan. He is ever helpful and ready. When I had hemorrhage, he took me to the hospital and waited for hours. He knew I had no money, yet he took me out to the most expensive entertainemnt in KL just to cheer me up
  • Nickey - This guy and I are so familiar with each other and it is a normal thing to pick up his call at the middle of the night. We always have this peer talk and our mamaking sessions can end quite late. When he anounced that he was going to stay back in JB, my heart almost dropped! For different visions sake, I gotta let him go.
  • Jolene - Our friendship could be traced back to Form 6. At first I felt doomed because by then, my group of friends were at colleges and I was stuck at La Salle PJ alone. Going to school was not a dread with Jolene around. She always had ways to entertain me and school was never boring with her around. So in the end, it was good 2 years. Never underestimate the things that she can do. She still surprises me until today.
  • Yee Lin - What more do I have to say about this girl? She is a famous figure in my family now. She's soft and approachable, and very the senang dibuli. OK la I where got that cruel to bully her. Have to sayang her otherwise I'll be chased
Of course, there are many others and I hope I don't miss out any. Thanks to Siew Lian, Punitha, Shanthinee, Calvin, Mike, Caslern, Joseph, Sherene, Wai Kheong, Jun Hoe, Han Jian... the list just goes on

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My last holiday

It's been two weeks since exams ended. I know I wrote about Genting, did I mention about having Oreo over? It was so sweet to have Oreo again? It is so comfortable to have Oreo on my bed. Too bad the fun times ended for a day. My aunt and her children came over to stay for almost a week, so I had to send Oreo home ASAP to avoid more arguements. So I ONLY had Oreo for 3 days. My heart felt heavy as I parted with my little furry thing. Last night I dreamt that my baby went missing. Thank goodness it was only a dream.

So along with that, I bunked at Siew Lee's place over the weekend. We had salmon and margaritas at Friday's, and we were supposed to meet Lai Yee but she had something up, so we couldn't meet up. The mat salleh bartender was so cute, he had this ohm hairstyle and he smiled at me! So I smiled back at him sheepishly. Shy la.. When we got ready to go, he asked for my number!! So my charm still works huh??!!

When we got back Siew Lee started playing the keyboard and I sang along. When she couldn't play anymore, we just sang some more on the bed. Songs like Thank You for the Cross, So Close, God Will Make a Way and As the Deer. It really brings back a lot of memories.

As the deer panteth for the water.. is this how much I want God today? The song went on.. I want you more than gold or silver... the apple of my eye..I love You more than any other So much more than anything. More than anything? There is simply too many things that I want today. I want this, I want that, I am too greedy. I could go on and on blaming circumstances and the complexicity of life, but I know, the problem is myself. I don't know what went wrong along the way.

I thought I would never get tired going out, but I did. I went out with different people for next consequtive days, and at the end of it, I got physically worked out. But it was so good, there were so many ppl that I hardly get to spend time with.

Tuesday: Met up with the Form 6 people; Jol, HJ and JJ. Went to Starbucks to have Toffee Nut. When Jol and I got enough of Mid Valley, we went to 1 Utama to catch Flushed Away.

Wednesday: Yee Lin and I ACTUALLY took bus to 1 Utama. We claimed the free fajitas... but not so free after all.. cos we ordered fish and chips... but at a reasonably cheap price considering it was Friday's.

Thursday: Went to UM to look for lecturer, but as typical UM lecturer, she gave that "Don't be stupid" look. I went to Bendahari to ask for the cheque that UM still owes me, but the guy asked me to come another day cos the system just got upgraded that day and it needed time to stabilize. After lunch at Caffe 1920, Stefanie and I watched Dejavu at Cineplex D'sara on the day of its opening.

Friday: Back to chap fan again. I am eyeing restaurants like Italiannes, Sakae Sushi and Marche, but till then, I have to get back to work.

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3 random thoughts

  1. Oreo is sleeping.... and barking..... at the same time. I wonder if he's having a bad dream. I have heard of sleep talking...but sleep barking, it's really my first time!
  2. Christmas drink at Starbucks this year is Toffee Nut. Not bad... should get some more... 7 stamps more to get my Starbucks planner
  3. Should I buy that black dress from Zara? Nice but I don't even have the boobs to fit into the S size. Arghh....

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no more starbucks but genting (for now)

Cable car
Yam sing! We do it the traditional way.. Gosh, what am I teaching my coursemates to do? They can be sure to be safe with me. Haha...
Posers

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me2you and starbucks




This is so so cute. Oh my, I just love me2you bear. This is how I look like when I am bored or when I am staying at home too often. Claustrophobia, they call it.. who doesn't have.. I was at home for the past 4 weeks (that makes a month!), except for 2 times a day I go to mamak with my dad and occasionally go to church, library, exam hall, Starbucks @ Ikano, CoffeeBean @ MidValley .... hmnnn, what else? That's all!!! So no life...yea, I am DEFINITELY not the housewife material. My coursemates and I have developed a new liking to hang out (actually study) at Starbucks. It turns out that our (group) study at Starbucks really works!!! What a costly way to study.. I plan to do this for the long term, cos I really can't bear studying at home anymore. That's means it's gonna burn a hole in my pockets. That means I need to find a part time job real soon. Yea I'm on my way to get the Starbucks planner. 18 drinks for a planner. Wow...

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Bad dream

I had a bad dream - that I saw a MAS plane crashing. Maybe ppl will think that ya, bad things happen sometime. Not for my family. Cos in that dream, while I was seeing the plane crash, I only had one thought in my mind: Was my brother inside the plane? Since my brother took on the career path to be an aircraft engineer, I had been unnecessarily worried. Sometimes I just have this sudden feeling I need to pray for him. Yea I think he will be safe.

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Confession of a drama queen - Episode 2

I realize that there's always something to write...cos I feel all the time. The irony is... I've been stuck at home every day for the past few weeks with nothing to see and no one to talk to, yet I still feel. Don't be mistaken. I am no artist so I do not need to feel to get inspiration. Yes... I am a scientist. I only need to memorize the facts and make potions in the right proportions. That is it..

Maybe it's good... having the whirlwinds of emotions... to know at least I'm alive.

My post entitled Confession of a drama queen had sounded depressing. With this, I am happy to announce that I am ready to put the unhappy episode behind me. There is no future in the past. There is no point whining and complaining all the time. Nothing gets achieved by that. And no one likes to hang out with a person who's upset all the time. But then I'm going to work things one at a time, I'm not going to push myself again.

I decided to be in peace terms with God again. I can't EXACTLY remember all the grudges I hold against God. This is one of the rare times when it is good that my memory fails me. Mid way through the whole ordeal, while my spirit was grieving like what the Bible calls "...a broken spirit dries up bones (Prov17:22)," I could hear the Holy Spirit gently calling me. One morning in my routine of hogging the computer once I wake up (yes, I'm a computer geek), I opened an email by the PKV Yahoo Group. Someone had posted a story, and tears began to roll down. Someone had asked, "Where are you God?" In the story, the angel revealed that God was there all along. There were many similar stories as such, I hadn't plan to read it, but the Holy Spirit has His way of speaking to me. Guess I am not that damnable after all. I still do not have the answers for my many questions. Questions like, "Why have you created someone so dumb, so out of place and never seem to get it right?" I despised myself. One day after I had a hangover, I passed by a big metal chain hanging on the ceiling of a building, I had a thought of hanging myself. It must have been the devil. The angel in me said, "If you have the courage to hang yourself, why can't you have the courage to live?" I walked faster and closed the door behind. I am a babe once again, at least I am on the right track.

To begin the journey, I could do help with a lot of encouragement. Anyone with me, please? People may think I am weak, I don't care. I am just honest. Thank you *with a bow* =)



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Challenges in life could either make you or break you. For me, I think it is the latter. Last night I had imsomnia again. So while trying to put myself to sleep, I took out a brown dog - eared notebook with the words GIBs (GIB simply meant "girls in blue", that time Men in Black just came out) written on the front page that YSL, Sookie, Prash and I used to write back in Form 2. Back then, that book was our means of communication as we were all in different classes and chances to meet were little. We took turns to write what we have to say to each other. As kids (teens), we were childish, sometimes selfish, naive and we didn't care what we would turn out to be. Now we do.

It is scary to think how lives have changed for us. For one, Siew Lian is the only one that I'm still keeping in touch with. People come, people go. That's how life works right? Maybe I would do things differently given another chance but there ain't turning back of time or time for regrets for that matter. Prash, YSL and I were put into the same class in Form4, but things were never the same again.

8 years ago, it was the age of mIRC, Spice Girls, Sailormoon, Titanic... what else? But one topic hasn't change much. Boys!!! Now no more boys la. We are talking about men here. We often made the proclamation, "I am in love with ....", like hello, that guy was probably just someone who was taking the same bus, a tuition mate or someone we meet in cyberspace or some camp! As I was flipping through the pages, I was taken aback by an apparent "vow" that I made to myself then. I wrote, "If I meet somebody I really like, I will not miss the opportunities to know him and express my feelings." Since it was a vow, and I am still me, does it mean I still have to keep it? Damn..

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The story of Andie and Ben

Andie was still the love struck baby that she was. The longing to be in Ben's arms was more intense than ever. What is Ben doing? Does he take a moment to think about me? Or is he all concerned about having fun, drinking, or worse still, being with another girl? These thoughts cloud her mind as she pens her thoughts in her ever faithful diary while waiting for George. George had asked her out the day before, and so she thought, there’s no harm in meeting someone new though she doesn’t consider it a date. toot toot… Andie reached for the handphone on the dressing table. George is here. She’d better get going.

The streets of Orchards are as quiet as ever. What should anyone expect, it was Sunday night. Plus it was holiday season. Andie had the urge to get a drink, some whisky or brandy, but in first meetings like that, she suggested coffee at a coffee house. Wrong choice.. the couch reminded her of the one that she and Ben sat on the other time they met. There she was, sitting at the stiff wooden chair trying to break the ice and get relaxed with George. As one would expect, Ben is not George and vice versa. But Andie was trying to look for Ben in George. She observed his movements, nah, George was not anything like Ben. What are you thinking? Andie shook herself to reality. It was then she realized how much Ben meant to her. How he managed to make her laugh. Ben was always so natural… just like the first time they both met at the fishing trip.

Andie looked into the gushing river beneath her as she tidied her hair in a bun and adjusted her glasses that have well hurt her nose. She looked like a nerd now but does it really matter now that she is some jungle? She checked her backpack - fishing gear, sunblock, water – and then zipped it closely as the voice of their tour leader, Ben rung in the background. It had only been an hour since she arrived on her first fishing trip but the sky was betraying them, there were signs of coming thunderstorms, so they had to turn back. She was never a fishing person, the only reason she agreed to go because Amy wanted to. And no one can refuse the request of a demanding best friend. Plus she really wanted to get away from the city.

Just as she got ready to turn, the big rock gave way. And thud, Andie hit her head and fell into the river. Passed out. Gulp….

The next moment she woke up, she felt a cold sensation all over her body. Then came Amy’s reassuring voice, “Honey dear, are you alright? You scared me like crazy.” It was not pitch dark yet, but in an hour time, it would be. The buzz of the insects usually gave calming effects, but not for this time. They were stuck. The rest of the team had left. Now there were only Andie, Amy and Ben, who had apparently saved Andie out of the waters. It was only right that Ben stayed. This was part of the responsibility of a leader, wasn’t it? Andie kept that kind gesture of this hero, only that he looks more ghostly than ever. Ben’s hair had been wet while diving in the water, and now his fair complexion was more apparent than ever.

“The caramel is a little too sweet,” uttered George. George’s kind voice awaken her to reality. “Mine is fine,” Andie replied as she took another sip of her drink. As George told his stories of his Timbaktu adventures, she dunked in yet another dosage of thoughts on Ben. With the amounts of thoughts, she was building a tower of expectation, 101 Tower maybe. But was she ready if the tower collapses one day? The realization that it ain’t working. But she’d never know. It’s a bet. You’ll never know you win or lose until the end. So again, her mind was whisked away to Neverland.

The nurse at HKL wheeled her into the ward as Amy and Ben watched from behind. The doctor said she’s got hypothermia and that she needed a night to be monitored. She didn’t mind it. After all, she has been there at HKL for as long as she could remember. She’d worked there as an intern for almost a year now. The hospital smelled of nothing except for familiarity. Besides, she was too sick to be at anywhere else. At least she had the company of Ben and Amy. No more than few minutes, Andie dozed off to sleep.

It was like 6 something before she woke up. Ben was sitting at the couch trying to catch some sleep. He was freezing at 16 degrees, and the red sweater that he was wearing wasn’t helping at all. But the sight of him cuddling like a fetus and embracing the cold, just so to make sure Andie was alright, already won the admiration of her heart.

For the next few days, probably the next few months that followed, Andie was in a daze. They began the journey of friendship, and never for once was it easy for Andie to suppress the feelings for Ben. She tried hard. Sometimes she felt her fingers ready to punch Ben’s number, but she restrained herself. She didn’t want to appear clingy or needy. In medical terms, she could as well diagnose herself with heavy infatuation. At some point, she was confused. Did she like him for his near perfect qualities? He could run, he could play the guitar, he could heal (animals – he is a veterinarian. It was easy task to impress an animal lover like her), he was funny, lovable and sought after. So Andie thought why would Ben like an ordinary girl like her? Was there any way she could steal his heart? Then there were his shortcomings. He seemed warm at one moment, then cold and distant the next. She was never able to comprehend what is in his mind. She perceived that even if they do get together, Ben wouldn’t be able to give her the attention that she yearned. She began to fear, and fear is that one thing that kept her from marching on.

People say time flies when you enjoy life. For Andie, life passed slow as she awaited each weekend for the both of them to meet in that 2 short hours of pet training sessions. Ben provided free consultation for the animals, whilst Andie couldn’t be more compelled to bring her Golden Retriever along. It seemed like her Elmo had formed a bond with Ben, and she couldn’t help to be pleased with the sight of them playing together. Sometimes Andie played along too. Ben has this ability to bring in the smile in Andie, and it takes away the rigidity and formality off her. Long hours at the hospital have stripped her from all compassion and soulfulness, and it was Ben’s assigned mission to restore it. Ben was one who brings out the Andieness in her.

But the question is this: Did Andie matter to Ben as much as he mattered to her? He has had a long history of being a casanova, and Andie wondered if she was able to change that. There was certainly some chemistry going on, but was it enough to spark off their own romance? Would the relationship sustain? They have talked about the possibility of getting together, but each time they couldn’t come up to terms. The more they talk about it, the more the friendship was soured. It was a silent war, until it came to a point that they were no longer on talking terms.

The sadness in her eyes was so evident that the jazz music at Starbucks couldn’t help it, and George saw it. “Andie, you don’t look so alright. Are you sure you are fine?” George asked in a kind voice. “Sure, probably I just need to get some rest” Andie said to prevent more questions from George. “Okay, let me send you home,” George said as they prepared to leave.

As they walked to the car, the siren of an approaching ambulance became more apparent as it passed them. Andie’s stomach twitched all of a sudden. A bad omen maybe. Minutes later, her phone rang. It was from Amy. Ben had been involved in an accident, and now he was losing more blood than he could afford.

Throughout the journey to the hospital, Andie didn’t say a word. She couldn’t afford to lose Ben, could she? She prayed quietly in her heart. As she made her way to the hospital entrance, a thousand thoughts went through her head and her stomach churned that she was almost ready to throw up. Ben’s family was already waiting there. Their worried faces made her even more nervous. A minute seemed like eternity as they waited in silence.

Finally, the Emergency ward door flung open. All of them heaved with relief as they were told that the operation had been successful. A bunch of the nurses wheeled Ben out. Ben was exhausted, yet he smiled weakly at Andie and mumbled something. Andie pulled over to his bedside and listened.

“Andie baby, you kept me alive. When I was fighting for my life, all I thought was you. I didn’t fear dying, just afraid that I won’t be able to see you again.”

Andie nodded with tears of joy. And from that moment they began the journey of a dream.

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Deepavali 2006

At Punitha's house

Me and Puni taking photo with...what's that again? Her efforts ok!!

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Change is the only constant in life

I used to love everything prim n proper....but now I prefer a little disorder. Life is no fun when things are way too in order. It's like if you do this, you should expect this kind of effect.

I used to stay at home where I could not be disturbed, try my level best to study at the given time... but now I can't. I need to be out at night. Starbucks or something.


I used to cry, bang my head on the wall, pull my hair when I get upset... but now I do something a little less damaging to my body... could be damaging after all (watching mid night movies? Ahmnnn..)

I used to be very kaku, my face was easily readable... but now you don't know when I'm faking. (Don't worry I only fake in front of ppl I don't like)

I used to believe the concepts, ideas, as long as positive ones that people throw at me... but now I am much more sceptical.

I used to classify good and bad people according to their spirituality... but now it's according to how they treat me.

I used to fall in love with guys who are goody two shoes... but now I prefer somewhat the vice, even if they could be jerks.

I used to be ignorant about stuff like make up and skincare... but now I am way too concerned (Thanks to Jol who taught me back in form 6)

I used to go shopping as a form of stress releasing therapy... but now I have newer therapies which could equally be as expensive.

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"I wouldn't want a man who was really wicked.
But I think I'd like it if he could be wicked, and wouldn't."
----Anne of Anne of Green Gables

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Random Photos of this year




Good to have flowers around me. Oxygen suppy. Sniff sniff..
Oreo with scary eyes...Yee Lin and Li Ching at EMERGE .... bro's bday at home. You can tell, he's like wearing a rag

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Dad's philosophy

Scene at mamak while drinking teh tarik and eating yau cha guei

Dad: I wonder what is the max speed of this car(the new Myvi)..

Me: You can try it

Dad: Not worth risking life for. Life is more important than this car. Than money. Than hot girls.

Me: (Jaw almost dropped. Awed by dad)

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Joe said I ought to be thankful for little things to be a happier person so I thought of listing out some:
  1. I got the other part of the unknown. It is methyl propyl ketone. The spectrums were easily interpreted. I was an hour late for lab that day and Prof Kam was yelling for me all the way before I arrived. When I sampai I told him I had diorrhea (which was partly true), he seemed accepting as he was (considered) in a good mood. So lucky me.. but now everyone in the lab knows I sold my car.
  2. The tutor was really helpful.
  3. The classes for today are cancelled. Yahoo...
  4. Ally asks to borrow my huge make up kit for Make up and hair do competition. At last my collection comes to good use.

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Confession of a drama queen

About two months from now this year is going to draw to a close. This year has been shit for me. How weak I am that a series of bad events can pin my faith. You know how victims of accidents are pinned in a crashed vehicle until their lives are eventually taken away from them? It is a sad sad post that I thought of only confiding in my diary but I guess no one should be deprived of the truth. I wish it isn't true either. Whatever I'm blogging today is not cos I've had a bad day, that's why I'm writing such things, but it's a collective of thoughts that has been bogging me. And also, I've tried to find the right words to blog bout this.. so it is sort of like being moderated so that I won't give a scare to anyone who's reading this. But if you still find it offensive, I can't help it la.

Is it the loss of the HP? Is it the accident? These were indeed upsetting, but it could be setlled by money. So what is it? It is the realisation that my life is miserable, the sense of hopelessness and the loss of a fighting spirit. I've also quit believing - the things which I so strongly held on to. It doesn't really matter now. I've tried to seek help from 2 ppl whom I trusted from above me. But their response made me feel worse - that I am no more than 2 cents worth. And lastly, why on earth am I still thinking of a guy who doesn't care a sixpence for me?

I've resorted to friends instead. The accident had been the best screening test between those who care and those who don't. Some friends made me feel like a queen. They ceaselessly hear my countless whinings and my tears are naked before them. Thank you so much especially to Siew Lee and Alan. I don't know what I'd do if not for them. Also, there were some who were slow in their response, but late is better than never. And one, why does he comes in and out my life as he like it?

Well, I should better get back to study. I'm not exactly motivated right now. Graduating next year is the only think I'm looking forward to. So I better be focused. Hopefully things will get better.

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Silver sandals and o - cresol


I know it is bad news and bad decision going to Mid Valley. As long as I have any cash in my wallet, I become a shopaholic monster. The "Sale" sign at Vincci caught my eyes instantly and though the staff there looked pathetic, I bought a pair of sandals with silver strap to match my silver nail polish. I am so stressed and it is only right to reward myself after a whole day at Organic 3 lab. I got yelled at by Prof Kam again while doing distillation to the neutral unknown compound. Somehow, it is only when I make mistakes that he chooses to enter the lab. Good news is that I found my acidic compound quite effortlessly. The NMR and IR spectra were simply clean and perfect to elucidate the compoud. It is o-cresol, a phenyl compound. No wonder it gives a stinging sensation to my hand..

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The problem with me

I picked this up from Cleo mad Aug issue (hopefully I won't get sued for plagiarism) and I found it to be quite true

Sabotage situation #5
"I always get clingy and needy when I'm in a relationship"

When you get involved in a relationship, do you feel the need to be together all the time? Do you become thoroughly dependant on him? Do you become intensely focused on him? You are dependant on others for your own identity. You feel that you're nobody until somebody loves you.

Sabotage situation #6
'I always fall in love with guys who never love me back"

Do you fall for men you can't have? Do you become obsessed with them? Do you think once you find true love your life will be complete? You aren't in love with a person; you're in love with the image of one.

Me: So I am just in love with the image of one? Maybe it is better to be in love with my job/studies. Saves a lot of hassle..

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Serendipity - the ability to make fortunate / happy discoveries quite expectedly

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Comparison between UM and Assunta

UM's major productions
Event.....Malam Kungfu, Pesta Tanglung, Malam Kebudayaan Tiong Hua
Theme.....Something bout the moon
Role model.......Laksamana Cheng Ho

Assunta's major productions
Event..... English Literary Night, Leo/Interact IU Nite, band performance
Theme......Oddysey, Footprints
Person to look up to.... Shakespeare

See why I had culture shock in my first year?

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I wrote this after I watched Devil wears Prada


I can't remember when was the last time I blogged here. I promise(hopefully I will keep to it) that I will update it more regularly. I'm not sure how many people are reading this, but I have really been through a lot lately. It's not all totally bad. Just that I know it is time to evaluate my values again. There were some ideas that I held on to strongly, I am not sure if they are as important anymore. They are so sensitive I can't even blog here. Can only bite my lips.

I just hate myself for what I do to myself. Joe made a statement, "love those who love you." I wish I can take that advice, but I simply can't stoop to that level. Jol and I were talking, and we came to a conclusion that everyone is into a relationship - except the locals - the KL and PJ ppl. Hmnn... what is so wrong with us? But then again, I always believe that the best is yet to come. I have to admit that I have been nothing except being picky when it comes to men. Besides, the reason that I am still single is that I didn't give it a try.

Lately I counted the number of guys who actually tried to "get" me (I dunno what better word to use; woo, court, tackle?) . Sadly, I found that it is really FEW: only 5/6 besides my ex-es. Of course, all of whom had been unsucessful. When I think of biological sense, humans are like animals. How male peacocks try to attract their female counterparts with their beautiful feathers. Just that humans use it with more grace; with scents, words, gestures. Otherwise, we are actually the same.
Editted: This is what Siew Lian told me in an email, "the number of ex-es and guys who go after you, even if it were a hundred, would not mean anything in the end, when you find the right guy.. just be careful with the guys around you..and honour God with your relationship."

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Prelude

Many times, when life seemed utterlerly hopeless, it turned 180 degrees around. There were countless times that God showed up in the midst of the verge of failure. As I look back, what I can truly say is that God has been faithful through it all.

In studies

When I was a kid, I was seen by my parents as the most unintelligent among their 3 children that Mum sent me to a Malay school instead of a Chinese one. She justified that I was lazy and wouldn't be able to cope with the stress of being in a Chinese school; the heavy load of homework, harsh discipline, etc for I was a spoilt kid too. That would have answered people's question on why my brothers know Mandarin while I do not. In Primary 2, Mum decided that enough was enough. In spite of the simple syllabbus, I couldn't spell "ayam" and my grades were appalling. She decided to send me for tuition with Ms Chan. Ms Chan was a disciplinarian at its core. Finally 4 years under her strict authority, I emerged as the school's top student.

When God works, He likes to repeat His feats. Few months prior to SPM, I scored 36% for my Add MAths paper and it was only by the teacher's mercy to give me 4 bonus marks to help me pass. I was greatly distressed and started my ultimate study plan. Every other day, I would sit at McDonalds to do a set of papers. After 2 months, I confidently sat for finals and I scored 90%! My mum promised RM100 for each A that I got for SPM. It upsetted her that she had to give much!

That was not all. With the step of education getting higher each time, I understood that there were greater challanges ahead of me but perhaps due to interim successes, I got disillusioned that I stopped working hard (for a while). In early 2003, I failed my Chemistry paper and that served as a wake up call for me that STPM was approaching.I had 3 great teachers: Mr Kadam, Pn Cheah and Han Jian. With every exam, I only improved by 10%. That may be little to begin with but at the end, I got an A for Chemistry in STPM. I cried for the sweat and blood that I put it, and it was certainly worth the efforts. If there were any subjects that I particularly worked on, it had to be Chemistry.

I am not proud of my past successes, I am only concerned about the future. In recent years, I haven't got a real breakthrough in my studies. I am writing this blog to remind myself and readers that God is a faithful God. If He's done it before, He will do it again.

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