Journey of a Dream

It is one of those mornings that I don't feel like waking up. Waking up is such a dread thinking about all that is going to befall me. Things aren't exactly great at the moment. I wonder if I will ever return to the jolly old me, in my own sense. Oreo is usually a super stress lifter but for the past few days, he's been throwing up his food. He made me worried sick. His size disturbs me too cos he's really a skinny boy after cutting his fur. Can't believe Oreo is turning 5 next year. The bond between Oreo & I often amazes ppl. They simply can't understand it. You see, Oreo was with me since SPM, then STPM days & now uni days. He's been longer with me than any relationships have been. He's seen me cry, he's seen me laugh & sleeps on my bed.

Unlike other people whose love for dogs developed since childhood, mine only started when I was Form 5. I love any dogs, especially Oreo, Milo & Milo's puppies, but I also had compassion on the stray ones. One day as I was walking up the stairs, a shabby stray dog sat pitifully in front of me. Stupidly, I tried to pat it's head. Without warning, it just attacked my hand. As a result, I had to see the doc for the tetanus jab. The scar is still evident on my right hand. This time round, I still haven't learnt the lesson but instead of a dog, this painful bite is from a human.

For the past 4 months of holidays, it was as though I disappeared from the face of the earth. I didn't forget my beloved blog but as usual, my excuse is that I have been to busy. The holidays were very precious to me because it's probably the longest hols I could possibly have before I step foot into the working world. Here's a summary of what I did:

Main agenda - working for Aunt Ngat Chin's phD research

June - Firstly, I went to a conference in Singapore called the Extraordinary Emerge. I went there with my church members & it was simply awesome! When we were shopping at the Suntec City, we bumped into the lead singer of GMB, Sidney Mohede & Ps Yusa. Took photo with them.

The later part of June was spent visitting Beijing with my family. Beijing is a very interesting place to be cause it's a whole different place altogether. It seemed as though every corner of Beijing was flocked by people. We went to Great Wall, Forbidden City, Ming Tomb & not to forget, countless factories so that we could get some pearls, jade, crystals, tea leaves & the replica of the Chinese legendary animal "pi xiu". It was said that this "pi xiu" didn't have any anus which means that it contains all the wealth you can gather. The memory of that trip is fading soon. Haha my first family trip ever.

Besides that, I truly cherish the time I spent with my cell members. They are really a bunch of happy people. I have really gotten to know many of them much better. Ppl like Cheok Miin, Nickey & Jeffrey. They are not just my cell members, but they are really my friends. Some of them went back to their respective unis; separated over 300 kms & across the ocean. I miss them whenever I think of them. The truth is I may seem like a Mecha, but I'm really an Orga.

After 8 long weeks of studies, labs, finally the mid - sem holidays are here. It was supposed to be last week that we have hols, but the government postponed it to make way for Merdeka celebration. It's ok with me as long as I have the hols. Yesterday noon Xin Hui & I officiated our hols by watching "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory". It's about this poor kid who eventually made it to be the heir of the Wonka factory. The flashbacks on Willy Wonka's childhood & Charlie's quest of winning the gold ticket touched me most. We had so much fun window shopping cos personally, it's been a long time since I last watched a movie. We were so caught up with shopping that we went back at 7pm. I bought lingerie & she bought hair color. Haha what a fruitful day. Not forgetting, we met up with Valentine. He came down to KL for a business trip. Happy that he took the effort to meet up with me all the way from Sabah.

One thing that really captured my heart is Pastor's sermon on the last day, that our primary calling is to be with Jesus. It strike my heart that for the past few weeks, I had been so busy with ministry, that every single day I've been too concerned about visitation, ferrying people to church & making sure that every thing is running smoothly. My prayer life evolves around praying for University Malaya that one day we will experience a life-changing point-turning revival. But I forgot about worshipping God & being in the presence of God! No wonder I felt so tired in my body b'cos I didn't have my strength renewed(Isaiah 40:30-31). So there I repented before God & pledged to Him that I no longer want be a professional Christian but to have my whole life devoted to Him!

Sorry for taking such a long time in updating this blog. Just in case you wanna know, I've had writers block for as long as I could remember. Anyway, I just want to clarify a few things concerning my previous entries. A lot of it had been vague. For example, a friend extended his condolences cos he thought Oreo was dead. Oreo is actually my friend's(who is also my bro's ex-gf) dog so now that they had broken up, it' s natural that I can't gain the custody of Oreo. I still cry when I think of the things which I did with Oreo. Oreo was always waiting at the door for me whenever I went out, ready to pounce on me the moment I enter my house. He carried a pathetic face whenever I was not at home. Just like me, Oreo had cases of mood swings. Sometimes when I have the urge to watch TV, I would sit at the couch facing the TV. At first, Oreo would invite meto play with him but once he knew I was not going to entertain him, he would walk to my room to sleep. I would call for him for a few times, he would look up for a while, then drift to his sleep again. Two days ago, my mum was glancing through my photos with Oreo & decided that we indeed had the same hair style.

That's enough of writing bout Oreo before tears well up again in my tear ducts. Then, somewhat my friends thought that I've had a lot of guys courting me in UM which is definitely not true. Somehow I have lost my trust in my intuition already. Romance seems to be real at one moment, then next it would be a fond memory of the past.

Sometimes when I think about not seeing Oreo anymore, drops of tears would flow to my cheeks. About 3 years ago, while Oreo was just a year old, I had an unnecessary fear that Oreo would die earlier than me. Now, I know it sounds silly, of course he would unless I have a very short life. But more than a lot of people, he had been my companion. Whenever he was with me, I hardly had any difficult time going to sleep. It’s like all insomnia fade away every weekend he was around. Once, when I wept like a baby, Oreo stood next to me. The next thing he did, he licked my tears away as though he knew how I felt. He’s more human than canine! It’s hard to believe that not seeing Oreo anymore would soon be a reality. I can only look back to our photos to relive the memories of the past.I miss him like crazy!

Like other years, Valentine’s Day passed without any special plan, except that for lunch, the ten of us including cell members & PKVians made our way to Suchan to have a lavish lunch. It’s another heartache that now we are all (almost) a year older and single. While many held hands along our paths, we enjoyed our singles’ lunch. Later at night, a friend & I casually went out to play fireworks. We made it clear that had it been any other day, we would still go out. It turns out that we really had a great time together. Half way playing in the midst of the rain, he playfully yet seriously (I know this is oxymoron, but don’t know the better words to use) said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He mentioned once long ago during our Monday lunches, but I pretended I didn’t hear. Of course I was beamed with joy, but I told him that he didn’t made enough efforts so I didn’t really answer him.

Chemistry plays a big part of my life, both academically and in a relationship. Before this, a bit of a spark took place. If I didn’t like him at all, I wouldn’t spend the whole night talking to him until 4am (with other ppl as well). But when we both went back to our individual hometowns, the fire died like the fireworks would. He didn’t call me, or even a message. So I came to believe that it had all only been a fantasy.

No vow had been easier to fulfill except the one I made following my break – up in 2003 – that I would remain single until 21. At present time, I’m only 2 months away to fulfilling it. Time flies, so everyone says. Whatever pain I went through that time, I can’t even remember the feelings now. I can only remember how God comforted me in the middle of the night when I cried myself to sleep. I was overwhelmed with sorrow, but He comforted me with this verse from
Rev 21:4(NKJV)
“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

It’s one of those unusual Saturdays where I’m staying at home and doing work. Usually I’m with Oreo playing some silly games but today, he has got some guests at home so got to entertain them. Isn’t it too much stress for a dog? Hmnn.. a dog with social life. It’s 30 degrees outside. It’s always like this when Chinese New Year is around the corner, minus the lack of atmosphere this year, probably due to the tsunami tragedy.

I’ve been planning a lot of things; studies, ministry, now it’s been hours. People who know me well enough will know how slowly I do my things. My family nags me each time I eat my rice and slowly chew for half an hour. They are amazed by my ability to eat like a cow! I’ve promised myself to spend time studying Nuclear Chemistry (sounds hard, rite?). Ok..ok..I will do it after this. Don’t worry I will not design another bomb.

Well, I’m particularly slow for a reason though many will not say it’s valid. Actually, I’m not in the mood to do anything at all. Occasionally, I’ve been hit by huge mood swings (thankfully not tidal waves). It’s not like anything particularly bad happened or PMS, I just don’t feel like it. It’s probably due to lack of passion. Life in UM does not ignite me to do anything extra-ordinary. Back in La Salle, the school was such a rundown that I wondered if they should repaint the school. A strong essence of ammonia was detected whenever I passed by the gents, which was just opposite my class. Then, the bottles of chemicals in the lab were not closed. You could imagine how contaminated they are, especially in the hands of La Sallians. Speaking of them, there are many unpredictable characters in La Salle. One guy could spit so far that I wondered how long he took to practice that. Once, when I was walking down the stairs, one guy played with my hair from the back. I immediately turned around but they pretended nothing happened. The chairs in La Salle are twisted in such a way that neither fire nor ordinary strength could do it. Only with the creativity of La Sallians…

But then, it was in La Salle that I learned to put down my guards and have a little fun. Each morning I need not drag myself from bed because school was so unpredictable. Though life then was more routine, I did not know what to expect. It might be a day when we’d just run to Paandi’s to have our breakfast. We’ll never know which teacher was to make another lame joke or share her sarcastic comments. Sometimes, I would steal looks with the guy next door (for those of you who know the chemistry which took place). I find comfort being with my friends. Once in a while conflicts happened but at the end of everything, we were still very good friends. Some of us are still in UM but inevitably, our friendship has changed.

Sorry I just couldn’t help to compare life then & now. I’m feeling particularly nostalgic today. Please allow me to finish this while I still have passion to do it. The good side of it, I’m not at all in comfort zone to be in UM. At least I’m aware of this that I’m more ready to share the Gospel with someone else. For those of you who are reading this, please pray for me that a better life awaits me. I’m not satisfied having to spend 3 years in UM just like that.