Journey of a Dream

I feel anxious... I am desperate to leave this place... But I haven't found a better option... and bonus time is not here yet. Another 5 more months. Can it be any more miserable?

For few days now, I have this imaginary conversation that runs through my mind again and again.. I imagine having a closed door meeting with Mr GM. He will try to "dig" from me what is the reason for my leaving, not as if he has not already known.. In my current emotional self, I want to tell him that Kite sucks, and she has this conspiracy to make me miserable.

I want to tell him one by one how Kite wronged me. How S&M will request something from her, she will sit on it a few days, when S&M chase her, she will demand to do it IMMEDIATELY. How rude she is. How she just doubts me. How un-knowledgeable she is about the subject matter. How micro she is..How she is the catalyst for my leaving.. But in the end, I just feel that there is no point in bad - mouthing a person. After all, that will leave me in a bad light, which makes things worse. Nevertheless, truth must be told. A soft version of the truth maybe.

So, if I imagine the conversation will go on something like this:

Mr GM: So finally, after our discussion that day, you decided to tender resignation?

Me: Yes, I think that is the best thing to do right now. I thank you for the opportunities that you, Lady Di and Ms Beautiful gave me. I really learned a lot from you guys. It was a truly enriching experience. And there are also a lot of people that I will miss here. But then I think this is the best thing to do now.

Mr GM: Why, are things so bad around here?

Me: Honestly, I come to work to learn and to contribute. And to get rewarded. I think all these are closely related. Since I am rated just rated "average", maybe I don't deliver enough value. Ever since you talked to me, I started putting in more effort, but in the end, things just didn't improve. In the end, I just got demotivated and unhappy.

Mr GM: Hmm, actually I can see that you put in a lot of effort. I thought things have improved between the 2 of you?

Me: No boss, what you see is actually on the surface. I tried to make things work. I put in more effort and become more tolerable. But in the end, things just didn't work. I guess, the both of us just have incompatible personalities to work together.

The conversation could just end here, or it could just go on.

Mr GM: Actually, it'll be the same everywhere you go. There are always difficult people to work with.

Me: Yes, I agree to that, but at the rate I am going, I don't think I'm happy. I have been unhappy since last year. But after the appraisal, I just decided that it is time to leave.

Mr GM: What was wrong with the appraisal?

Me: Well, I think that it was unfair that I didn't even have the opportunity to appraise myself unlike the previous year. She just decided that I was only worth that value. But I didn't say anything then cos I just felt that there is no point. In my humble opinion, people should be given the credit for doing the extra mile, but in this case, it is not appreciated. But I tell myself it is ok, I will find someone who will appreciate my value.

Mr GM: (Deep in thoughts and hopefully he feels the loss of a good employee)...

I don't know how this conversation will end.